Dear Mom,

I wanna say I miss you. I miss you so bad with everything that I am, with parts that I didn't know existed inside of me before. I wanna apologise also because I didn't tell you that I love & appreciate you when you were still here. Now I regret every second not spent with you.

Every night dear mom you come to my mind and tears run down on my face, I have no control over it. Sometimes I get confused how life works... only good people leave, only good people get hurt, only good people have bad luck. What is the point?! I mean I'm sorry but how does it work exactly! 

After you passed away everything changed. Everything... my sister and I aren't the same anymore, we lost love we lost home we lost our connection. My dad... I never saw him that sad. He lost his support and happiness. I catch him most of the time crying and my soul breaks into billion of pieces. Mom you left and you took everything with you. It's so hard!

I still remember how you always used to tell me "this too shall pass" during hard times. That was your motto! You had such a big faith I was never able to understand back then... now I got it, thanks to you and all what you thought me. I survived! I am still breathing and able to smile after the biggest loss of my entire life. You! God I wish I could hug you one more time, for seconds only... or just look at you and see you looking back, or just talk to you. I'm still in need of you mom, I was never ready to lose you & will never be. I never actually expected to witness your death and earn this broken heart though, but it happened.

But you know... as much as I suffer here without you I just wish you're up there in a better place. That's all I wish. I can take the pain of your absence, I can keep going with a miserable life as long as you're somewhere better & happier. And I keep praying to God that You are.

 Rest in peace dear mom. I love you!