Mis Mejillas,

If you ever read this, I want to say I love you. I always will. The time isn't right for us. The stars never were aligned in our favor. We were polar opposites, enemies. We were the fault in our own stars. I tried to break fate for you. I told you my truth. I wanted you so badly. I am sorry I dragged you into this mess. Even though sometimes I wish I would have died all those years ago, if I did make it back to that hot October night... I would have done it differently. I would have told you that I loved you. I would have kissed you for the first and last time. Then I would have disappeared from your life.

Today I was sick. You told me you thought you saw me around every corner. Ha! I felt that way about you all last year while, you very quickly forgot about me. Always too busy. You made me cry almost everyday I went home after school. You toyed with my feelings like the child you are. You broke my heart too many times. I still let you shatter it more everyday when you hang up the phone. I just cry for a while feeling empty. I know you are probably pleased with yourself. As long as you're happy and our relationships comprehensibly neat, everything is fine. You don't care how I really feel.

I started us. I was so enamored with you. I felt like I might have exploded in my frenzy If I did not tell you at homecoming. You told me you loved me four days into when we first started dating. Now I see it was all a lie. Up until you actually begin to care about me; you told me you didn't love me anymore. I swear it was because we finally did it. I thought I would love you more. I guess I loved you so much there was nothing else for me to feel but skeptical.

I will miss the way you say my name. I will miss the sound of your adorable laugh. I will miss all the times you apologized to me even when you did nothing wrong. Every walk to Starbucks, slow dance first kiss, last kiss. I will miss the whole of you.

We had a good run. You just realized it too late. You dumped me first. I started drinking because of you. I stopped drinking because of you too. I was your usable pawn while we were just friends. I was so malleable I made my own skin crawl with my lack of integrity. I am sorry that you were angry I couldn't immediately forget. We just got back together two weeks ago. Before that I was finally beginning to be ok on my own.

I am worth more than everything you put me through. I want you to apologize. I wanted you to suffer too. Now... I just want you to be happy. Think of me when you finally go to the ocean and you are happy. Think of me with that better girl who really makes you change your mind. Thank you for being my first everything; for all the perfect moments I would never take back. I guess Tyler was wrong. We really weren't soulmates. I am still glad I tried for us anyways. I love you more than you will ever know. I only have 16 more days til summer... It will be too long without you.

Love,
Your Best Friend