To You

I know it's been 14 years since we parted ways and divorced, the sweet empty is still there. I am 41 now and still trying to muster up the courage to move on with my life. I know you're married now with a child, there is a part of myself that still feels you with me. I hate this feeling, it's utterly embarrassing. It's the pining, the deep feelings, and the longing of the good days gone by. We were so young and crazy back then, taking every moment we had alone to make out and giggle at things no one else could understand. We even had our own "sayings" and code, I looked forward to the lengthy phone calls, and the endless love letters we sent each other via email. Being able to travel alone to see you often and feeling like a brave new girl in this great big world. They were truly the best days of my life as a young woman deeply in love. 

When we reconnected so briefly less than a few years ago, it felt so surreal, but yet, premature. My heart wanted to pour out the feelings and emotions that were locked away for so long; but I couldn't bring myself to do so. I left the exchanges short and sweet, even to the tune of my beating heart that fluttered just hearing your voice. 

I live my life the best I can day to day and try my hardest to keep in mind that our parting was for the best and that it was in the universe's plan for us not to be. In my private emotions, I miss you and think of what might've been, but in truth, it's not healthy to do so, but they are merely passing feelings that come and go. While I know we didn't have the best relationship/marriage, in memory, all I can remember are the good times, and the nights I never wanted to end. I hope someday I'll be able to heal from the void left in my heart and finally meet the love of my life someday soon. 

Sincerely, 

Me.