Dear B,

You hurt me. I know this is a letter that I will never send. You shall never see or sense the pain I've been going through without you. How does one go from showing love constantly to blocking his feelings in a switch? I figured there must be someone else in your life, you promised to always open up and tell me about things, but instead you ran the mile- almost like someone was shouting out "run Forest, run". You hurt me. You truly did-it's been weeks now that you've been acting the weirdest, no calls, barely a message and you would blame it on the shittiest of things and I like an idiot would believe you. I know for a fact that no matter how busy we are, we make time for the ones we love. You changed... you truly did. You are definitely not the person I knew and thought you were, you're just the opposite. 

This letter is goodbye - I don't want to see you, hear from you or feel you. You're gone. 

C

its literally 10:05pm,

i honestly don’t know if you’re ever going to read this but if you are, well...  

do you remember when we were at EK's party when we we’re sitting by her pool and somehow the conversation of who had a crush on you popped up and i said “everyone has a little baby crush on you” i was a part of everyone. ew wait that sounds weird but you know what i mean. 

i wasn’t honest with you when you asked me when i started liking you i told you it was at the zoo but it had been there i just never acted on it because we're completely different (yet the same in so many ways) so i never expected things to turn out the way it did. having spent that much time with you before and the little after we graduated just made me so happy to get to know you. and as the days went on i let myself be more comfortable with you and to my surprise it didn’t take me long (at all). 

i just realized now that i never really responded to what you said and that i just thought it in my head. you said you just “needed a friend for right now” and i might’ve seemed so calm on the outside but i told myself that as long as i could just be around you i would be ok that’s all i needed that’s where i was wrong. driving home from Dil’s house that day after having spent what 4-5 hours after you telling me that, i was a wreck. but also that very same day at the park you asked me about CJ which i get he was a part of my life for about 4-5 years and it was a very painful period where i had to learn a lot of things i did and didn’t want to learn. i told you that “i was coerced into a lot of things i didn’t want to do” and i never really went into detail about what happened and to be frank with you i wasn’t ready to talk about any of it to anyone especially you because i didn’t want to see a change in the way that you looked at me. i will tell you one day but just not right now. but i will tell you this i thought i was in love and the more i think about it i wasn’t i was just some little girl that hadn’t grown up. 

i can’t say i don’t miss you because i do. i just miss being around you and your goofy little laugh. you brought peace into my life i never thought i would get. 

some days i’m okay without you but some days like today you just can’t seem to leave my mind and i find myself in tears, wishing you were here next to me. but i respect your decision, take as much time as you need, i’m willing to wait or if you meet someone else on the way that’s fine too just don’t be scared to tell me, i will not hold anything against you. i don’t regret any of it and i’m acting like i’m grieving and that i’m never going to see you again which is weird because everything i do literally reminds me of you god this sounds so cringe now that i’m typing all this out. but waiting may mean that we both stray away from one another but i’m happy as long as you are. 

from, 

 dearest

To Anyone,

I don’t know if someone actually reads these once published. Sometimes I’m on the top of the world and ready to live my life. And then all that goes to shit because my parents or someone else mess with that feeling. Whether it’s my mother demanding personal issues or information about others. Or my father threatens to abandon one of my family members in parking lots because he’s angry. Or maybe just someone tells me I’m annoying and they don’t want to be around me anymore. 

I don’t like living sometimes. I want anything and everything a normal person has but I can’t. One day I’d like a healthy romantic relationship with literally anyone. But I just can’t do or feel anything truly romantic. It just feels weird or wrong, like I’m not supposed to be there and there’s definitely something better for the other person. You want what you can never have I suppose. 

I feel used sometimes. I’m not an older sister anymore because I’m treated like a nanny or substitute mother. I don’t remember what I’ve done for the past 7 years anymore. I don’t know what I want anymore. I wish I felt normal. I don’t want to do anything. What the hell is wrong with me. 

One day I’m going to die and I won’t be remembered because I’ve done nothing and I don’t have friends who will remember me after a few years. It’s like I’m floating in space and can’t do anything because I don’t want to. I stare at literally anyone and their lives are so lived through already, but mine I can’t remember. I want what they have, but I’ll never get it because I just can’t. 

Written by, 

Another Forgettable Face

To You

I know it's been 14 years since we parted ways and divorced, the sweet empty is still there. I am 41 now and still trying to muster up the courage to move on with my life. I know you're married now with a child, there is a part of myself that still feels you with me. I hate this feeling, it's utterly embarrassing. It's the pining, the deep feelings, and the longing of the good days gone by. We were so young and crazy back then, taking every moment we had alone to make out and giggle at things no one else could understand. We even had our own "sayings" and code, I looked forward to the lengthy phone calls, and the endless love letters we sent each other via email. Being able to travel alone to see you often and feeling like a brave new girl in this great big world. They were truly the best days of my life as a young woman deeply in love. 

When we reconnected so briefly less than a few years ago, it felt so surreal, but yet, premature. My heart wanted to pour out the feelings and emotions that were locked away for so long; but I couldn't bring myself to do so. I left the exchanges short and sweet, even to the tune of my beating heart that fluttered just hearing your voice. 

I live my life the best I can day to day and try my hardest to keep in mind that our parting was for the best and that it was in the universe's plan for us not to be. In my private emotions, I miss you and think of what might've been, but in truth, it's not healthy to do so, but they are merely passing feelings that come and go. While I know we didn't have the best relationship/marriage, in memory, all I can remember are the good times, and the nights I never wanted to end. I hope someday I'll be able to heal from the void left in my heart and finally meet the love of my life someday soon. 

Sincerely, 

Me.

Have You?

Too often do I want to go back to the past...When it was easier to deal with things because I had people around me who didn't judge, who knew how to be a friend even when I didn't... Who knew how to love me and appreciate me when I hated myself so much I couldn't stand to look myself in the mirror.

Have you ever been So unhappy with the way you let yourself go?

So pissed at your genes for not making you perfect, skinny and beautiful?

Ever loved someone so much that even when he hit you or cheated on you, stole from you or lied to u it was okay because in your own mind you thought no one else could ever love you?

Ever been so afraid to walk down the halls of school because so many people hated you for the stupid shit you did when you weren't thinking?

Ever done so many drugs because it was the cool thing to do with your group that you didn't even know you you were? Because you didn't want to be you?

Ever been in love with two people at the same time that happened to be best friends? Been the reason you break up a lifelong friendship because you were too selfish and immature to make the right decision? To walk away?

Ever physically harm yourself in places no one cares to look because life just seemed to never get better? That the pain released the pain?

Isolate yourself to the point that literally every person in your life has no real idea of who you are?

do you ever feel physically sick because you know you're not good enough for anyone and can't do anything right, no matter how hard you try?

Acted like such a hardass so people have no idea how broken you truly are inside?

Hate yourself because you can't even explain why you're such a bitch all of the time? Been so exhausted of using "just tired" as an excuse to not let anyone into your fucked up head?

Ever been to the point of feeling like you're taking your last breath because you're too young and clueless to realize having an abusive boyfriend isn't okay?

Stolen because it gives you some sort of high?

Lie so much to your family that you yourself can't tell them apart from the truth?

Found every opportunity to have sex because that was the only time you could drift away from the war inside your head?

How many times in your life have you not wanted to be you?

How many times have you cried yourself to sleep?

When was the last time you truly smiled and laughed and enjoyed yourself?

When was the last time you woke up and were happy to be you?

I know people have it a lot worse then me, I'm not trying to out suck anyone... I just don't know how to be happy. I don't know the last time I was ever honestly happy with my life. I don't know anything...

Does anyone truly know who you are?

What you've done?

How many people you've hurt?

How many people have hurt you?

If you knew the secrets inside my head you wouldn’t look at me the same...

I hate myself every day I wake up because I know I'm useless to everyone around me, how could anyone love me when I don't even know how to love myself?

I'm nothing.

I'm no one.

I'm alone.

Dad, You Died So Suddenly

Well, Dad,
I got a call eight-thirtyish this morning, and it turns out you had died last night. Your heart stopped. Of course you were 86-years-old, and on dialysis, so it shouldn't have been a surprise, and yet it was. You did warn me in the days leading up to today that you felt you would not last much longer, but then, I suppose I had numbed myself to your words. I didn't want to deal with the implications of what that meant, couldn't deal with it emotionally.

After spending a full day with that knowledge, I still find that I can only deal with your death in short little bursts. I don't think I can let it all out all at once. The mourning will have to come out in little dribs and drabs. I can't deal with anything stronger.

I feel guilty that I was not kinder to you in the past few months. It's true what people say, that you regret what you did not do, not what you did do.

I want to thank you for calling me last Friday to and that you asked me to do something, something that I could do, so that the last time we saw each other was an amicable meeting. I want to thank you for leaving me the best memento you could have left me, a dog whom you loved dearly. I love him dearly, too, and your dog (my dog now) provides me with so much comfort and helps me to dull the pain. It's as if you did not leave me, and I can continue to provide you with some service.

I am so glad I took the dog with me when I saw you Friday. Fate was very, very kind to me to have given me that memory.

Your daughter

To Akela

Hello again

It was 6 years ago when I met you, and 5 years ago when I wanted to write to you last. Time flies. Life flies.

When we said goodbye, you told me: "Never lose your passion for the world." It's been hard, I won't lie, trying to keep myself up. It's been harder trying not to die, until very recently.

I'm medicated now. I've been through years of therapy for the trauma. Finally, I have some consistency. The depressive claws of mental illness aren't always digging into my flesh. In the last few months, when I wake up I don't want to die. It's incredible to feel like that-- that the world isnt crumbling around you and there's a future worth existing for. I'm doing so much. I'm reading again-- isn't that lovely? And I'm working on a community project and am due to start a second one soon. It's not changing the world, but it's a little bit of something that might cause a ripple effect. I'm poor now, but in a few years I'll be able to save up to maybe travel somewhere. I'm learning new things and I make a point to try new things every week. I want to do so much more; I'm going to do so much more with my life. I hope that if you hear of my projects in the future, you'd say something like "how nice!"

When I was 14 you inspired me beyond what I think you understand. I call them Lollipop moments: when an action is so utterly influential to a receiving party, but is so insignificant to the person who performed it. You showed me there is a future for dreamers. More importantly, you gave me a keepsake of tangible proof of that. "Never lose you passion for the world" came to mean so much more to me. It was a message of hope in times of great pessimism. It was a reminder that someone believed in me at one time, therefore I ought to press forward. It meant that in the darkest times, I still can love the world.

I don't think that I can ever fully thank you for this. Such a simple action, I marvel, has impacted my life in the best of ways. Thank you for telling me even once that I was a person of value. Thank you. I'd like to think that one day, once I've done what I want to, and if you were to learn about it, that I'd make you proud.

Mis Mejillas,

If you ever read this, I want to say I love you. I always will. The time isn't right for us. The stars never were aligned in our favor. We were polar opposites, enemies. We were the fault in our own stars. I tried to break fate for you. I told you my truth. I wanted you so badly. I am sorry I dragged you into this mess. Even though sometimes I wish I would have died all those years ago, if I did make it back to that hot October night... I would have done it differently. I would have told you that I loved you. I would have kissed you for the first and last time. Then I would have disappeared from your life.

Today I was sick. You told me you thought you saw me around every corner. Ha! I felt that way about you all last year while, you very quickly forgot about me. Always too busy. You made me cry almost everyday I went home after school. You toyed with my feelings like the child you are. You broke my heart too many times. I still let you shatter it more everyday when you hang up the phone. I just cry for a while feeling empty. I know you are probably pleased with yourself. As long as you're happy and our relationships comprehensibly neat, everything is fine. You don't care how I really feel.

I started us. I was so enamored with you. I felt like I might have exploded in my frenzy If I did not tell you at homecoming. You told me you loved me four days into when we first started dating. Now I see it was all a lie. Up until you actually begin to care about me; you told me you didn't love me anymore. I swear it was because we finally did it. I thought I would love you more. I guess I loved you so much there was nothing else for me to feel but skeptical.

I will miss the way you say my name. I will miss the sound of your adorable laugh. I will miss all the times you apologized to me even when you did nothing wrong. Every walk to Starbucks, slow dance first kiss, last kiss. I will miss the whole of you.

We had a good run. You just realized it too late. You dumped me first. I started drinking because of you. I stopped drinking because of you too. I was your usable pawn while we were just friends. I was so malleable I made my own skin crawl with my lack of integrity. I am sorry that you were angry I couldn't immediately forget. We just got back together two weeks ago. Before that I was finally beginning to be ok on my own.

I am worth more than everything you put me through. I want you to apologize. I wanted you to suffer too. Now... I just want you to be happy. Think of me when you finally go to the ocean and you are happy. Think of me with that better girl who really makes you change your mind. Thank you for being my first everything; for all the perfect moments I would never take back. I guess Tyler was wrong. We really weren't soulmates. I am still glad I tried for us anyways. I love you more than you will ever know. I only have 16 more days til summer... It will be too long without you.

Love,
Your Best Friend

I Love You, I Hate You

We never spoke
I was ashamed
But I stayed
I am stronger than you could possibly know
I’m still here
Full of rage
Waiting for you

Dear Universe,

Thank you for reminding me why that particular relationship wouldn’t have worked out. I was able to deceive myself with time and distance into thinking that it could have because I allowed myself to forget how he made me feel. I could never tell if he actually cared about me, or if I was just someone he was with to pass the time. The truth hurts, but it’s a hurt that I needed to feel.

All I have ever wanted was to find a man who would love me as much as my father loves my mother. I never thought that was too much to ask for, but maybe it is. He loves her in an epic way. He would move heaven and earth for her and she would do the same for him. I want that. I’m ready for that. Tell me, why can’t I find that?

Every time I love someone, they leave me. They hurt me. Sometimes it’s more than in just the emotional sense. I don’t think that I am so desperate that I am attracted to bad people. I just want someone to love me enough that I can feel stable.

None of this really has anything to do with last night. That was me in my feelings. “I miss you” didn’t mean what I wanted it to mean. “I miss you” meant that he was bored and lonely and horny because his last relationship ended, and I was the safest option. It didn’t mean “I still love you and I want you back and please move back here, across the actual country, for me.” I wanted it to mean that because I just want someone to love me like my parents love each other. Sometimes I despair of ever being loved that way.

Please, please throw me a bone, universe. I’ve been dating since I was 15. I’m exhausted. Where is he?

Sincerely,
Heartbroken

My Reflection

Lately I have been remembering everything she did to me, it dawns on me to this day how isolated and abnormal I was.
Today I watched a new series called The Act and it made me face again how despite her actions were done in a different way, the outcome was still the same and the desire just as similar.
I am not sending this letter to talk about this, though. There is something only my closest people know: I have visions of the future.

I am not claiming to be a fortune teller by any means, no... These visions show to me as dreams.
It is widely known that dreams are the reflection of our real world, a place our worries manifest into characters and symbolism as our mind tries it's best to find a solution to our problems. For most of my life I have had these dreams that show me the way out of my issues, but it wasn't as strong and as persistent as when I was 17 years old. See... I was fed up with her abuse, I was fed up with her taking my money from the pension and not spending it on things I needed [idk... like FOOD], I was fed up with the humiliation...
One day while I was watching Vsauce DONG videos I found out about a game called Zineth, it was a skating game [which was right down my alley] made by a few grad students which won the award for the competition it was submitted to; despite the weird control scheme I was enjoying the good time it gave me.

The combination of my misery, my desire to find a way out and a video game was the Perfect Chemistry to what eventually became a cascade of dreams that screamed: GO HOME, GO LIVE YOUR LIFE!
Through these dreams I understood the disappointment she felt when I refused to be her Mssiah, I saw the beginning of my inspirations, I met my soul-mate... I went home.
Fast forwarding to now, the end of the decade... The majority of my dreams have become true, I am with the few family members that love me, I have been partners with the soul-mate of my dream for 5 years now, Daniel Kyre committed suicide [i'm sorry], Gabe the Dog passed away [when I found his name]... But the most ominous part to me, something I wasn't told until a few months ago... For some reason he had a dream, he dreamt of me... He dreamt that I would be an important piece in the game. It makes me wonder... Am I real?


-Potential Time and Space Entity

Dear Mom,

I wanna say I miss you. I miss you so bad with everything that I am, with parts that I didn't know existed inside of me before. I wanna apologise also because I didn't tell you that I love & appreciate you when you were still here. Now I regret every second not spent with you.

Every night dear mom you come to my mind and tears run down on my face, I have no control over it. Sometimes I get confused how life works... only good people leave, only good people get hurt, only good people have bad luck. What is the point?! I mean I'm sorry but how does it work exactly! 

After you passed away everything changed. Everything... my sister and I aren't the same anymore, we lost love we lost home we lost our connection. My dad... I never saw him that sad. He lost his support and happiness. I catch him most of the time crying and my soul breaks into billion of pieces. Mom you left and you took everything with you. It's so hard!

I still remember how you always used to tell me "this too shall pass" during hard times. That was your motto! You had such a big faith I was never able to understand back then... now I got it, thanks to you and all what you thought me. I survived! I am still breathing and able to smile after the biggest loss of my entire life. You! God I wish I could hug you one more time, for seconds only... or just look at you and see you looking back, or just talk to you. I'm still in need of you mom, I was never ready to lose you & will never be. I never actually expected to witness your death and earn this broken heart though, but it happened.

But you know... as much as I suffer here without you I just wish you're up there in a better place. That's all I wish. I can take the pain of your absence, I can keep going with a miserable life as long as you're somewhere better & happier. And I keep praying to God that You are.

 Rest in peace dear mom. I love you!

To You

This goes to the person I will never be able to say this. Whenever I thought of you, I would think of mean things for what you did, on how you treated me. I thought I'd start this letter with I hope your life had gone terribly wrong, but now do I realise that I don't want that. That I only want to get this off my chest. To finally let go of this stupid idea that it was my fault, that I was just a girl. But no. I guess we were just two people who didn't know how to handle it. And I'm not angry anymore, I'm just tired. Tired that every time I feel like telling my friend this it seems like she will accuse me of being a slut, or a bitch, or just stupid for letting myself get convinced.

Anyway, here I finish this letter, that made me realise how wrong I was, and that I need to let go of the past.

This is the letter that will never get to you, but is the letter that I will always remember. That I will always remember how it felt. How good it felt to finally stop being tired and start feeling the emotions I was scared of feeling.

From the girl who was never yours.

To My Ex,

I write this with no sarcasm, despite my sarcastic personality... I want to tell you thank you. Truth be told, you were a good first boyfriend. When we first started dating you were sweet and kind, and I knew you weren't after me to get in my pants. I was a whole head taller than you, had a good 30 lbs on you, and I didn't have sex with you until we had dated for an entire year. You were with me for me. I don't regret having sex with you, please don't get me wrong. I don't even regret the last five months of our relationship; you were graduating, I was a junior. You wanted to spend time with your friends and didn't want your girlfriend to mess with "sacred bro-time" before graduation. That's cool. I still don't understand it now. And I probably never will. You are never going to leave town. Your friends aren't ever going to leave town. Why did it matter that you had this "sacred bro-time"? I understand hanging out with the guys a couple days a week or whatever, but I saw you once a week. If I was lucky. I wouldn't have cared, you know. I just wish you would've told me what you were doing every now and then. You quit talking to me; do you remember that? Yeah... You quit that... Suddenly the guys weren't nice to me anymore and if I wanted to see you I had to choose between seeing you with them or not seeing you at all. You quit defending me. Remember the first seven months of my junior year? One of the girls you considered to be your friend made my life a living hell. She tormented me. She almost hit me with her car and spread rumors and threw stuff at me in the halls. And instead of telling her to back off you pretended I was crazy and that I didn't know what I was talking about. I told you that it wasn't working out. And you said you'd change it. You never said when. Or how. You pinky-promised that you would change, you pulled the crying card with me. I believed you and I waited for months for this change to happen because love is patient. I lost 23.2 lbs in 3 months because I got so depressed. I quit talking to my family. I was obsessed with trying to get your attention now. What had once been sweet and innocent love was now an obsessive competition where I always finished last to your friends, your job, your truck, and drinking. And then I looked in the mirror one day and the person looking back sucked. She wasn't the person I wanted to be anymore. So I got on the phone and weirdly you answered. I was crying, and you said it'd be all alright. You'd be over in a minute. I told myself I was going to dump you. I said, "You will do it with dignity. You will smile. You will say good-bye. And you will never let this happen to you again." It was my fault that I put up with it for so long. My heart knew that if you couldn't treat me better that someone else would. And it's true. I regret not listening to my heart sooner. But then again, if I had listened to my heart sooner I wouldn't be with the man I'm going to marry. So today I write you this letter that I will never send, sincerely thanking you for inadvertently teaching me to think with my heart and not with my head. For teaching me that I will never, ever be that weak again. With love, Your Ex-Girlfriend

I've Spent Some Time...

...deciding whether or not this is a good idea. I’m still not convinced it is. It is, however, the only thing I can think to do. I love you. That ‘love’ encompasses both the really close friends kind AND the romantically inclined kind. The lack of the second on your part will not affect the former on my part. I told you as much over Thanksgiving, but on the chance that it was couched in girl-speak, or misunderstood, or even, perhaps, unwelcome, I want to clarify. I acknowledge that any of these are a possibility- and if you’re not interested, hey, that’s OK. It happens. I also acknowledge that the obstacles are hardly minor. And I acknowledge that at this particular point in your life, even reading this may add to your burden of madness. If that’s so, I’m sorry. But I do have a favor to ask: until you do meet the Girl- the Real Deal- spare my heart for a little while, and don’t tell me about it. I’d love to be your girl. I like the beach when the fiery death ball is going down. You’re challenging, and brave and beautiful. I think you’re awfully excellent. Give me some time, censor these particular details- I will be quietly grateful, and I will move on. Not away from our friendship, which I value tremendously, but I’ll move past the twitterpation. But at this particular moment, in the full bore insanity and upheaval of the last two years, help me this way. (By doing this on paper that has been at the mercy of the US Postal Service, I’m giving you the option of pretending this never happened.) In any case, I want to watch you defend your thesis, bitch about grad school, be part of your support system, learn the rules of tennis, trade book recommendations, debate ALL the things and generally carry on as we have, save the above. I hope this doesn’t fuck things up.

Dear Best Guy "Friend,"

I was obsessed with you last year and then realized I never had a chance with you so I let go. Now I have moved on to someone else. But I really never have moved on or stopped liking you. Today I have a another man named WR that loves me a lot and always has since he came to this school. But I am still not happy. You always say that I am your closest girl friend but I am just known as your "friend". I go to sleep every night thinking about you and wishing that you liked me. All my friends say that I am so lucky because I have a guy that loves me (WR) and I love him back but I don't know if I want him anymore. I still want you.

You are always there for me whenever I need you. I remember when all of my friends turned against me, you were there for me and let me cry on your shoulder. You gave me a hug stood up for me and were on my side and told me that you were there for me. I don't know if you remember that but that was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I know that I could never get you because you are way too good for me. All of my friends say that I flirt with you too much and they tell me to back off but they don't know that I like you and have always had feelings for you since you came here. I love you. I will never tell you or any of my friends that I do love you because I know that WR would be heartbroken and that our friendship would be ruined. And you would not hang out with me anymore. That would just suck ass. I love you and I know that you "love me" too as a friend. It is hard to resist whenever I am with you though. I just had to let out all my feelings. I will NEVER send this.

Love,
Your Best Girl "Friend"

What Happened?

We knew each other the whole summer. Then you finally decided to ask for my number. When we first started talking, I was terrified to think any good might come from this. You were, and still are, sweet, funny, shy at times, and so many other things, and I was amazed that you wanted to spend your time with me.

As the days when on, I let myself be more comfortable about you. I thought that maybe this could be different. We told each other how we felt. You liked me and I liked you, what else is there? Literally the day before, you said you couldn't wait to see me. I even went and bought a new dress. Then you didn't show up. You left me waiting for you, crying.

What happened? You said you liked me and wanted me to meet your family. We were supposed to be a good thing. I cared about you....a lot. The first time I let myself, and this is what happens. I don't regret the time we had; I just wish I knew what went wrong. I've replayed out whole relationship over and over and over, but to no avail. It doesn't help that I see you often. Everything reminds me of you. Everything. I miss you.

I wish you the best, Puffy.

Love,
Musa

I Never Thought...

...that I would be the type of person to be writing one of these letters, but then again, I never thought I would find and lose the most beautiful soul that made my life worth living. You never expect to have someone make such an impact on your life, and then when it happens, it’s the greatest feeling around. Pure Love is a beautiful thing. I never thought it would happen to me, after being hurt so many times, I thought ‘LOVE’ was only a word, something that could be phrased without meaning. I always understood that there would be problems, but I was willing to work through anything. I dare say it was my willingness that eventually killed us. By wanting to be closer I only pushed you further and further, and I regret it every day, night, pretty much any time I draw breath. I am sorry for not being strong enough to be the person you needed. I hope one day I will be strong enough to be that person.

I think of all the times that helped me realise you were my one and only. The times were we would sit across the room from each other talking to others, but I would always see you smiling at me like I was the only person in the room, times where we would be apart for either a short period or days on end, but when we saw each other, we ran to each other to embrace and hold each other so tight, that it felt like neither one of us would ever let go, and making love, intense passionate love, and knowing that it was true, these are feeling that can never be changed or replaced.

My love for you will never leave, fade or die. No matter how you live your life, where it takes you or what you do, I hope you know my love for you will always be there. Even if it means I live a long and lonely life, at least I know that I will have loved my true Love, and it has filled my heart for eternity, and even in my darkest hour, when I sit and weep wishing you were there, at least I can say that you filled my life with Love, and you were everything I ever wanted.

I love you, miss you and hope you are healing.

Dear You,

On the way home tonight I was listening to music, flipping through stations and being in my dad's car, I came across NPR. They were playing a beautiful song on the piano, a song that was sorrowful but reminded me of you. At first you playing the piano, then specifically of how we had long conversations about a year ago how we didn't want to ruin our friendship with a relationship.

Eventually the relationship developed, it lasted a good bit of time, and we enjoyed ourselves. I fell in love, but that's not my point, that's done with. One day you broke up with me, and I'm over that it's gone, done, and I'm over you.

However, one thing specifically stuck with me that you said. It was something like "I want us to be friends, good friends." In my mind it almost had the "like before" ring to it. Now I ask you, do you remember that? Did you mean it? Do you still mean it? Because this isn't friendship, you're not trying. And if you didn't mean it I can deal with that, but if you meant it and you are just too lazy to try, then shame on you.

Whichever way, I'm fine. I just hate it when people don't say what they mean and you of all people should know that. You know where to find me.


From,
Me

Dear You,

I can't say I miss you because I don't. I miss what we used to be. And who you used to be. But seeing you now, I realize that's not who you are anymore. You've changed, whether for better or worse I can't decide. Maybe it's the right thing, and we just weren't meant to last. But I think we both saw what was coming and just didn't have the courage to set it aside. Either way, there's no going back now. You made your decision.

Sure, whenever I see you around now, my heart breaks a little more, but I'm not going to let it show. I wear a smile everywhere I go, and I pretend that I'm doing just fine without you in my life. It's a lie. But you don't know it. How could you know, when you act as if you're a stranger to me?

You said you wanted us to be "just friends", and I didn't cry in front of you. I didn't yell or argue about it. I had tears in my eyes but I didn't let you see them. I turned away, nodded my understanding. You saw how you hurt me. I know you tried to be that "just friends" with me. Even after we broke up we would text or just talk. Then she came along. Now it's been months since we last talked. I don't want to
be "that girl you went out with". If I can't be what I used to at least let me be a friend. Isn't that what you wanted?

I won't deny that I miss the way you held my hand, the way you kissed me, the way you laughed. And seeing you smile and knowing it was for me: that was the best feeling of all. Now I'm forced to realize someone else has you. And that she's everything I wasn't.

I don't hold anything against either of you. I love you, and as long as you're happy I will be too. So take your time, see what you need to, find out who you want to be while you're with her. All I ask is that when you see me around, when you pretend you don't know me, and when she tells YOU she wants to be "just friends".. well, I hope in your heart you Remember.

-Me