Dear You,

I'm sure if you were to read this, you would know I was talking about you. I would hope you would read it and it would hurt. It would stab you in the chest to think back and know you hurt someone that much.

You know, I wish you knew how it felt from my view when you walked out. How it made me feel pathetic. Like maybe, just maybe I wasn't enough to make you stay. Like there was something so much better on the other side of the fence. But then you made your second, very vital mistake. You tried to come back. You tried to weasel yourself back into that empty space you left in my chest. You tried to make it seem like nothing had ever happened. You thought it would be okay. That because you had realized you made a mistake, that all would be forgiven. I have news for you. I don't forgive that easily.

It's been almost a year now. And every time we push you away, you come back pushing harder. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you had to walk out on everything you held dear to you. That you had to walk out something you had put so much effort in to. But in finally realizing, it isn't my fault. It isn't my moms fault either.

You were supposed to be the dad. The role model. The person who was my rock. Well daddy, your a crappy rock.

Sincerely,
Me

Dear You,

I had found the perfect man. Even though I had known you for so little time, it was like we were meant to be together.

I saw myself marrying you. We spent countless hours awake at night, talking endlessly. I was the happiest I had ever been.

Then you told me you had to wait. Wait to be in a relationship. Wait to tell your friends about me. Wait to be with me.

I was okay with it. I told myself that patience is a virtue. I loved you, even then, enough to trust you with our future.

Things were okay at first. You still showed me that you liked me. You still talked to me as if you wanted to be with me.

Then, out of nowhere, you changed. You stopped being polite and chivalrous, which is why I noticed you in the first place.

You stopped talking to me - you only wanted me for my body, and not for my "me."

I never thought you were that kind of guy.

And the worst part is,
I still love you.

I wish things would go back the the way they were.

Love (maybe forever),
Me

Dear So-Called Friends,

I now understand why I didn't want to pursue a friendship with you guys anymore... You make me feel like crap. I don't like being treated as the third wheel. Just because I may do things that you don't agree with doesn't give you the right to talk about me in the next room when I can hear you. Yea I may be spending a lot of time with my fiance but let me give you a clue why. One he listens and doesn't judge me like you do. Two he makes me feel wanted and loved unlike you guys. I don't care if you don't like him. I love him and that's all that matters.

Also you guys can be fun to hang out with sometimes but when other people are included my fiance and I end up being the third wheel. Were sick of it, high school ended 5 years ago grow up and treat us with respect. Oh and that trip you took up to Sandusky made us feel like crap. We don't want to see status updates about how much fun your having we could care less. My fiance and I would have at least loved an invitation to join you, but apparently we're not good enough for you.

On another note no I haven't forgiven you for what you did to me in high school. Always being the third wheel and being talked down to was not okay. My first year of college I went through depression and where were you? Oh that's right nowhere to be found. I was at the lowest moment of my life and you couldn't even call me. I tried calling you but you were too busy for me. I hope you know I cried myself to sleep every night I was there I hope that makes you feel better about yourself. At that point everyone left me, and when I came back you still weren't there. I guess I expected too much from you guys. I'm pretty much over my depression now thanks to the love and patience of my fiance, but it always seems to come back when your around.

I'd just like to say this to you, I'm done. If you want to get angry at me over stupid crap go right ahead, if you want to judge me or my fiance go for it. We're happy together and we have found meaning in our lives. We're tired of your crap. And no longer value your opinion. I hope you grow up soon.

Were going to go look for better friends now...

Sincerely,
Bitter

The Ex-Factor 1.10.10

Dear XXXX,

I just want to let you know that I don't hate you. You did a horrible thing and I'm still trying to figure out why, but I don't hate you.

We knew each other for four years. Forget the whole 'relationship' aspect of what we became, you were my closest confident. You counseled me through some of the most difficult periods in my life. Though we were long distance, you were there more than people who made up my immediate circle. You seemed to work very hard to get me to trust you and then I do, only for you to tell me you're married with kids.

Four years. I'll never understand why you let this thing go on for that long. When the truth came out, we both said hurtful things. I meant what I said. You are a shitty person. Yes of course, some of my anger came from my own ego of having allowed someone to shit on me from a great height, once again, but there's certainly no denying that you are a shitty person. The things you said on the other hand, were lies. To say you never cared about me and the whole thing meant nothing is completely untrue and you know it. You put an awful lot of time, effort and money into someone you never cared about. It's about actions, remember and your actions showed you being a presence in my life virtually every day for those four years. You cared. Your immaturity showed when you only told the truth about your situation after I said I was over 'us'.

I'm not wearing that like a badge of honour. It certainly doesn't warm my heart to know that I thought someone else's husband was my boyfriend and genuinely cared about me. But however much you try to deny it, you did care.

I was mad for a couple of months, but I released it. The anger won't help me progress. I just have to believe that not every man is like you. Please God don't let every man be like you! I just feel sorry for you and your family for what you're doing to them. I feel guilty that all that time you'd spend on the phone with me at night, you should have been with your sons, helping them with their homework or cuddling with your wife. I hope that you're doing everything in your power to make it up to them now. It's infuriating that all the things I want (a marriage, kids), you have and are quite happily pissing all over. If I had those things, I would cherish them.

Here's the thing, I'm still heartbroken. Because I loved what I had with you and I'm sad it was all a lie. But mostly I'm heartbroken that any human can go out of their way to hurt someone like that. I'll be okay. But how do I ever trust someone again? How do I allow someone into my life and not think they'll do the same thing? Eventually I'll figure it out and I'm sure I'll spend my life with someone worthy. You on the other hand, will most likely continue to lie your way through yours and for that, I can do nothing but pity you. What a sad, sad existence you have.

I do genuinely hope that one day you man up and do what you're supposed to do.

Sincerely,
Muireann