Dear B,

You hurt me. I know this is a letter that I will never send. You shall never see or sense the pain I've been going through without you. How does one go from showing love constantly to blocking his feelings in a switch? I figured there must be someone else in your life, you promised to always open up and tell me about things, but instead you ran the mile- almost like someone was shouting out "run Forest, run". You hurt me. You truly did-it's been weeks now that you've been acting the weirdest, no calls, barely a message and you would blame it on the shittiest of things and I like an idiot would believe you. I know for a fact that no matter how busy we are, we make time for the ones we love. You changed... you truly did. You are definitely not the person I knew and thought you were, you're just the opposite. 

This letter is goodbye - I don't want to see you, hear from you or feel you. You're gone. 

C

Have You?

Too often do I want to go back to the past...When it was easier to deal with things because I had people around me who didn't judge, who knew how to be a friend even when I didn't... Who knew how to love me and appreciate me when I hated myself so much I couldn't stand to look myself in the mirror.

Have you ever been So unhappy with the way you let yourself go?

So pissed at your genes for not making you perfect, skinny and beautiful?

Ever loved someone so much that even when he hit you or cheated on you, stole from you or lied to u it was okay because in your own mind you thought no one else could ever love you?

Ever been so afraid to walk down the halls of school because so many people hated you for the stupid shit you did when you weren't thinking?

Ever done so many drugs because it was the cool thing to do with your group that you didn't even know you you were? Because you didn't want to be you?

Ever been in love with two people at the same time that happened to be best friends? Been the reason you break up a lifelong friendship because you were too selfish and immature to make the right decision? To walk away?

Ever physically harm yourself in places no one cares to look because life just seemed to never get better? That the pain released the pain?

Isolate yourself to the point that literally every person in your life has no real idea of who you are?

do you ever feel physically sick because you know you're not good enough for anyone and can't do anything right, no matter how hard you try?

Acted like such a hardass so people have no idea how broken you truly are inside?

Hate yourself because you can't even explain why you're such a bitch all of the time? Been so exhausted of using "just tired" as an excuse to not let anyone into your fucked up head?

Ever been to the point of feeling like you're taking your last breath because you're too young and clueless to realize having an abusive boyfriend isn't okay?

Stolen because it gives you some sort of high?

Lie so much to your family that you yourself can't tell them apart from the truth?

Found every opportunity to have sex because that was the only time you could drift away from the war inside your head?

How many times in your life have you not wanted to be you?

How many times have you cried yourself to sleep?

When was the last time you truly smiled and laughed and enjoyed yourself?

When was the last time you woke up and were happy to be you?

I know people have it a lot worse then me, I'm not trying to out suck anyone... I just don't know how to be happy. I don't know the last time I was ever honestly happy with my life. I don't know anything...

Does anyone truly know who you are?

What you've done?

How many people you've hurt?

How many people have hurt you?

If you knew the secrets inside my head you wouldn’t look at me the same...

I hate myself every day I wake up because I know I'm useless to everyone around me, how could anyone love me when I don't even know how to love myself?

I'm nothing.

I'm no one.

I'm alone.

I Love You, I Hate You

We never spoke
I was ashamed
But I stayed
I am stronger than you could possibly know
I’m still here
Full of rage
Waiting for you