To Anyone,

I don’t know if someone actually reads these once published. Sometimes I’m on the top of the world and ready to live my life. And then all that goes to shit because my parents or someone else mess with that feeling. Whether it’s my mother demanding personal issues or information about others. Or my father threatens to abandon one of my family members in parking lots because he’s angry. Or maybe just someone tells me I’m annoying and they don’t want to be around me anymore. 

I don’t like living sometimes. I want anything and everything a normal person has but I can’t. One day I’d like a healthy romantic relationship with literally anyone. But I just can’t do or feel anything truly romantic. It just feels weird or wrong, like I’m not supposed to be there and there’s definitely something better for the other person. You want what you can never have I suppose. 

I feel used sometimes. I’m not an older sister anymore because I’m treated like a nanny or substitute mother. I don’t remember what I’ve done for the past 7 years anymore. I don’t know what I want anymore. I wish I felt normal. I don’t want to do anything. What the hell is wrong with me. 

One day I’m going to die and I won’t be remembered because I’ve done nothing and I don’t have friends who will remember me after a few years. It’s like I’m floating in space and can’t do anything because I don’t want to. I stare at literally anyone and their lives are so lived through already, but mine I can’t remember. I want what they have, but I’ll never get it because I just can’t. 

Written by, 

Another Forgettable Face

Dear Best Guy "Friend,"

I was obsessed with you last year and then realized I never had a chance with you so I let go. Now I have moved on to someone else. But I really never have moved on or stopped liking you. Today I have a another man named WR that loves me a lot and always has since he came to this school. But I am still not happy. You always say that I am your closest girl friend but I am just known as your "friend". I go to sleep every night thinking about you and wishing that you liked me. All my friends say that I am so lucky because I have a guy that loves me (WR) and I love him back but I don't know if I want him anymore. I still want you.

You are always there for me whenever I need you. I remember when all of my friends turned against me, you were there for me and let me cry on your shoulder. You gave me a hug stood up for me and were on my side and told me that you were there for me. I don't know if you remember that but that was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I know that I could never get you because you are way too good for me. All of my friends say that I flirt with you too much and they tell me to back off but they don't know that I like you and have always had feelings for you since you came here. I love you. I will never tell you or any of my friends that I do love you because I know that WR would be heartbroken and that our friendship would be ruined. And you would not hang out with me anymore. That would just suck ass. I love you and I know that you "love me" too as a friend. It is hard to resist whenever I am with you though. I just had to let out all my feelings. I will NEVER send this.

Love,
Your Best Girl "Friend"

Dear So-Called Friends,

I now understand why I didn't want to pursue a friendship with you guys anymore... You make me feel like crap. I don't like being treated as the third wheel. Just because I may do things that you don't agree with doesn't give you the right to talk about me in the next room when I can hear you. Yea I may be spending a lot of time with my fiance but let me give you a clue why. One he listens and doesn't judge me like you do. Two he makes me feel wanted and loved unlike you guys. I don't care if you don't like him. I love him and that's all that matters.

Also you guys can be fun to hang out with sometimes but when other people are included my fiance and I end up being the third wheel. Were sick of it, high school ended 5 years ago grow up and treat us with respect. Oh and that trip you took up to Sandusky made us feel like crap. We don't want to see status updates about how much fun your having we could care less. My fiance and I would have at least loved an invitation to join you, but apparently we're not good enough for you.

On another note no I haven't forgiven you for what you did to me in high school. Always being the third wheel and being talked down to was not okay. My first year of college I went through depression and where were you? Oh that's right nowhere to be found. I was at the lowest moment of my life and you couldn't even call me. I tried calling you but you were too busy for me. I hope you know I cried myself to sleep every night I was there I hope that makes you feel better about yourself. At that point everyone left me, and when I came back you still weren't there. I guess I expected too much from you guys. I'm pretty much over my depression now thanks to the love and patience of my fiance, but it always seems to come back when your around.

I'd just like to say this to you, I'm done. If you want to get angry at me over stupid crap go right ahead, if you want to judge me or my fiance go for it. We're happy together and we have found meaning in our lives. We're tired of your crap. And no longer value your opinion. I hope you grow up soon.

Were going to go look for better friends now...

Sincerely,
Bitter

Dear Steven,

*sigh*

I've written many letters and have not sent them. I always say, this time I will send it. I've written them in anger, and when I've been happy. If I thought for one moment you could take it, I'd give you them all, but no. For every step we take forward, we go back five.

You were someone I really liked, and for me, that says a lot. You're everything I want or I thought wanted. You've made me grow up a lot in the last two years. I'm older than you but only in age. Me being a virgin is the only thing that has kept us friends this long. No matter how many times we tried, it never worked out that way for us.

I want you as a friend and we are slowly making our way. I hope one day I can stop thinking of you as mine, and learn to share. Until then I'm going to hate every bitch you bring around....because you're mine. Your presence calms me. Your voice makes me smile. Your happiness make me happy.

I don't like many things about you, especially the lying and half truths. I wish we had a friendship where you felt comfortable to be your whole you. One day, maybe. Or maybe it's just not meant for me, and that makes me sad.

I should've known to let go you earlier on. I mean, at one point your name was "shady ass flacky ass steve" in my phone. So I guess you showed me who you were and my dumbass looked at your potential instead. I'm living and learning, and you've been one of my biggest lessons. And I keep learning from you. One day I'll say your name and feel nothing.

Well at least that's my hope.

Signed,
Thanks for the Lesson