Dear B,

You hurt me. I know this is a letter that I will never send. You shall never see or sense the pain I've been going through without you. How does one go from showing love constantly to blocking his feelings in a switch? I figured there must be someone else in your life, you promised to always open up and tell me about things, but instead you ran the mile- almost like someone was shouting out "run Forest, run". You hurt me. You truly did-it's been weeks now that you've been acting the weirdest, no calls, barely a message and you would blame it on the shittiest of things and I like an idiot would believe you. I know for a fact that no matter how busy we are, we make time for the ones we love. You changed... you truly did. You are definitely not the person I knew and thought you were, you're just the opposite. 

This letter is goodbye - I don't want to see you, hear from you or feel you. You're gone. 

C

its literally 10:05pm,

i honestly don’t know if you’re ever going to read this but if you are, well...  

do you remember when we were at EK's party when we we’re sitting by her pool and somehow the conversation of who had a crush on you popped up and i said “everyone has a little baby crush on you” i was a part of everyone. ew wait that sounds weird but you know what i mean. 

i wasn’t honest with you when you asked me when i started liking you i told you it was at the zoo but it had been there i just never acted on it because we're completely different (yet the same in so many ways) so i never expected things to turn out the way it did. having spent that much time with you before and the little after we graduated just made me so happy to get to know you. and as the days went on i let myself be more comfortable with you and to my surprise it didn’t take me long (at all). 

i just realized now that i never really responded to what you said and that i just thought it in my head. you said you just “needed a friend for right now” and i might’ve seemed so calm on the outside but i told myself that as long as i could just be around you i would be ok that’s all i needed that’s where i was wrong. driving home from Dil’s house that day after having spent what 4-5 hours after you telling me that, i was a wreck. but also that very same day at the park you asked me about CJ which i get he was a part of my life for about 4-5 years and it was a very painful period where i had to learn a lot of things i did and didn’t want to learn. i told you that “i was coerced into a lot of things i didn’t want to do” and i never really went into detail about what happened and to be frank with you i wasn’t ready to talk about any of it to anyone especially you because i didn’t want to see a change in the way that you looked at me. i will tell you one day but just not right now. but i will tell you this i thought i was in love and the more i think about it i wasn’t i was just some little girl that hadn’t grown up. 

i can’t say i don’t miss you because i do. i just miss being around you and your goofy little laugh. you brought peace into my life i never thought i would get. 

some days i’m okay without you but some days like today you just can’t seem to leave my mind and i find myself in tears, wishing you were here next to me. but i respect your decision, take as much time as you need, i’m willing to wait or if you meet someone else on the way that’s fine too just don’t be scared to tell me, i will not hold anything against you. i don’t regret any of it and i’m acting like i’m grieving and that i’m never going to see you again which is weird because everything i do literally reminds me of you god this sounds so cringe now that i’m typing all this out. but waiting may mean that we both stray away from one another but i’m happy as long as you are. 

from, 

 dearest

To You

I know it's been 14 years since we parted ways and divorced, the sweet empty is still there. I am 41 now and still trying to muster up the courage to move on with my life. I know you're married now with a child, there is a part of myself that still feels you with me. I hate this feeling, it's utterly embarrassing. It's the pining, the deep feelings, and the longing of the good days gone by. We were so young and crazy back then, taking every moment we had alone to make out and giggle at things no one else could understand. We even had our own "sayings" and code, I looked forward to the lengthy phone calls, and the endless love letters we sent each other via email. Being able to travel alone to see you often and feeling like a brave new girl in this great big world. They were truly the best days of my life as a young woman deeply in love. 

When we reconnected so briefly less than a few years ago, it felt so surreal, but yet, premature. My heart wanted to pour out the feelings and emotions that were locked away for so long; but I couldn't bring myself to do so. I left the exchanges short and sweet, even to the tune of my beating heart that fluttered just hearing your voice. 

I live my life the best I can day to day and try my hardest to keep in mind that our parting was for the best and that it was in the universe's plan for us not to be. In my private emotions, I miss you and think of what might've been, but in truth, it's not healthy to do so, but they are merely passing feelings that come and go. While I know we didn't have the best relationship/marriage, in memory, all I can remember are the good times, and the nights I never wanted to end. I hope someday I'll be able to heal from the void left in my heart and finally meet the love of my life someday soon. 

Sincerely, 

Me.

To You

This goes to the person I will never be able to say this. Whenever I thought of you, I would think of mean things for what you did, on how you treated me. I thought I'd start this letter with I hope your life had gone terribly wrong, but now do I realise that I don't want that. That I only want to get this off my chest. To finally let go of this stupid idea that it was my fault, that I was just a girl. But no. I guess we were just two people who didn't know how to handle it. And I'm not angry anymore, I'm just tired. Tired that every time I feel like telling my friend this it seems like she will accuse me of being a slut, or a bitch, or just stupid for letting myself get convinced.

Anyway, here I finish this letter, that made me realise how wrong I was, and that I need to let go of the past.

This is the letter that will never get to you, but is the letter that I will always remember. That I will always remember how it felt. How good it felt to finally stop being tired and start feeling the emotions I was scared of feeling.

From the girl who was never yours.

To My Ex,

I write this with no sarcasm, despite my sarcastic personality... I want to tell you thank you. Truth be told, you were a good first boyfriend. When we first started dating you were sweet and kind, and I knew you weren't after me to get in my pants. I was a whole head taller than you, had a good 30 lbs on you, and I didn't have sex with you until we had dated for an entire year. You were with me for me. I don't regret having sex with you, please don't get me wrong. I don't even regret the last five months of our relationship; you were graduating, I was a junior. You wanted to spend time with your friends and didn't want your girlfriend to mess with "sacred bro-time" before graduation. That's cool. I still don't understand it now. And I probably never will. You are never going to leave town. Your friends aren't ever going to leave town. Why did it matter that you had this "sacred bro-time"? I understand hanging out with the guys a couple days a week or whatever, but I saw you once a week. If I was lucky. I wouldn't have cared, you know. I just wish you would've told me what you were doing every now and then. You quit talking to me; do you remember that? Yeah... You quit that... Suddenly the guys weren't nice to me anymore and if I wanted to see you I had to choose between seeing you with them or not seeing you at all. You quit defending me. Remember the first seven months of my junior year? One of the girls you considered to be your friend made my life a living hell. She tormented me. She almost hit me with her car and spread rumors and threw stuff at me in the halls. And instead of telling her to back off you pretended I was crazy and that I didn't know what I was talking about. I told you that it wasn't working out. And you said you'd change it. You never said when. Or how. You pinky-promised that you would change, you pulled the crying card with me. I believed you and I waited for months for this change to happen because love is patient. I lost 23.2 lbs in 3 months because I got so depressed. I quit talking to my family. I was obsessed with trying to get your attention now. What had once been sweet and innocent love was now an obsessive competition where I always finished last to your friends, your job, your truck, and drinking. And then I looked in the mirror one day and the person looking back sucked. She wasn't the person I wanted to be anymore. So I got on the phone and weirdly you answered. I was crying, and you said it'd be all alright. You'd be over in a minute. I told myself I was going to dump you. I said, "You will do it with dignity. You will smile. You will say good-bye. And you will never let this happen to you again." It was my fault that I put up with it for so long. My heart knew that if you couldn't treat me better that someone else would. And it's true. I regret not listening to my heart sooner. But then again, if I had listened to my heart sooner I wouldn't be with the man I'm going to marry. So today I write you this letter that I will never send, sincerely thanking you for inadvertently teaching me to think with my heart and not with my head. For teaching me that I will never, ever be that weak again. With love, Your Ex-Girlfriend

I've Spent Some Time...

...deciding whether or not this is a good idea. I’m still not convinced it is. It is, however, the only thing I can think to do. I love you. That ‘love’ encompasses both the really close friends kind AND the romantically inclined kind. The lack of the second on your part will not affect the former on my part. I told you as much over Thanksgiving, but on the chance that it was couched in girl-speak, or misunderstood, or even, perhaps, unwelcome, I want to clarify. I acknowledge that any of these are a possibility- and if you’re not interested, hey, that’s OK. It happens. I also acknowledge that the obstacles are hardly minor. And I acknowledge that at this particular point in your life, even reading this may add to your burden of madness. If that’s so, I’m sorry. But I do have a favor to ask: until you do meet the Girl- the Real Deal- spare my heart for a little while, and don’t tell me about it. I’d love to be your girl. I like the beach when the fiery death ball is going down. You’re challenging, and brave and beautiful. I think you’re awfully excellent. Give me some time, censor these particular details- I will be quietly grateful, and I will move on. Not away from our friendship, which I value tremendously, but I’ll move past the twitterpation. But at this particular moment, in the full bore insanity and upheaval of the last two years, help me this way. (By doing this on paper that has been at the mercy of the US Postal Service, I’m giving you the option of pretending this never happened.) In any case, I want to watch you defend your thesis, bitch about grad school, be part of your support system, learn the rules of tennis, trade book recommendations, debate ALL the things and generally carry on as we have, save the above. I hope this doesn’t fuck things up.

Dear Best Guy "Friend,"

I was obsessed with you last year and then realized I never had a chance with you so I let go. Now I have moved on to someone else. But I really never have moved on or stopped liking you. Today I have a another man named WR that loves me a lot and always has since he came to this school. But I am still not happy. You always say that I am your closest girl friend but I am just known as your "friend". I go to sleep every night thinking about you and wishing that you liked me. All my friends say that I am so lucky because I have a guy that loves me (WR) and I love him back but I don't know if I want him anymore. I still want you.

You are always there for me whenever I need you. I remember when all of my friends turned against me, you were there for me and let me cry on your shoulder. You gave me a hug stood up for me and were on my side and told me that you were there for me. I don't know if you remember that but that was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I know that I could never get you because you are way too good for me. All of my friends say that I flirt with you too much and they tell me to back off but they don't know that I like you and have always had feelings for you since you came here. I love you. I will never tell you or any of my friends that I do love you because I know that WR would be heartbroken and that our friendship would be ruined. And you would not hang out with me anymore. That would just suck ass. I love you and I know that you "love me" too as a friend. It is hard to resist whenever I am with you though. I just had to let out all my feelings. I will NEVER send this.

Love,
Your Best Girl "Friend"

I Never Thought...

...that I would be the type of person to be writing one of these letters, but then again, I never thought I would find and lose the most beautiful soul that made my life worth living. You never expect to have someone make such an impact on your life, and then when it happens, it’s the greatest feeling around. Pure Love is a beautiful thing. I never thought it would happen to me, after being hurt so many times, I thought ‘LOVE’ was only a word, something that could be phrased without meaning. I always understood that there would be problems, but I was willing to work through anything. I dare say it was my willingness that eventually killed us. By wanting to be closer I only pushed you further and further, and I regret it every day, night, pretty much any time I draw breath. I am sorry for not being strong enough to be the person you needed. I hope one day I will be strong enough to be that person.

I think of all the times that helped me realise you were my one and only. The times were we would sit across the room from each other talking to others, but I would always see you smiling at me like I was the only person in the room, times where we would be apart for either a short period or days on end, but when we saw each other, we ran to each other to embrace and hold each other so tight, that it felt like neither one of us would ever let go, and making love, intense passionate love, and knowing that it was true, these are feeling that can never be changed or replaced.

My love for you will never leave, fade or die. No matter how you live your life, where it takes you or what you do, I hope you know my love for you will always be there. Even if it means I live a long and lonely life, at least I know that I will have loved my true Love, and it has filled my heart for eternity, and even in my darkest hour, when I sit and weep wishing you were there, at least I can say that you filled my life with Love, and you were everything I ever wanted.

I love you, miss you and hope you are healing.

Dear You,

I can't say I miss you because I don't. I miss what we used to be. And who you used to be. But seeing you now, I realize that's not who you are anymore. You've changed, whether for better or worse I can't decide. Maybe it's the right thing, and we just weren't meant to last. But I think we both saw what was coming and just didn't have the courage to set it aside. Either way, there's no going back now. You made your decision.

Sure, whenever I see you around now, my heart breaks a little more, but I'm not going to let it show. I wear a smile everywhere I go, and I pretend that I'm doing just fine without you in my life. It's a lie. But you don't know it. How could you know, when you act as if you're a stranger to me?

You said you wanted us to be "just friends", and I didn't cry in front of you. I didn't yell or argue about it. I had tears in my eyes but I didn't let you see them. I turned away, nodded my understanding. You saw how you hurt me. I know you tried to be that "just friends" with me. Even after we broke up we would text or just talk. Then she came along. Now it's been months since we last talked. I don't want to
be "that girl you went out with". If I can't be what I used to at least let me be a friend. Isn't that what you wanted?

I won't deny that I miss the way you held my hand, the way you kissed me, the way you laughed. And seeing you smile and knowing it was for me: that was the best feeling of all. Now I'm forced to realize someone else has you. And that she's everything I wasn't.

I don't hold anything against either of you. I love you, and as long as you're happy I will be too. So take your time, see what you need to, find out who you want to be while you're with her. All I ask is that when you see me around, when you pretend you don't know me, and when she tells YOU she wants to be "just friends".. well, I hope in your heart you Remember.

-Me

Dear You,

I hate how you come into my life at random moments. I tell my friends I'm done with you and that I'll never go back to you. But all you have to do is flash me one of your smiles or give me a look with you gorgeous blue eyes. Then from there it's all down hill.

I know you have other girls you toy around with in your own town. You make them feel special like you make me feel special. But at least you call them. At least you're there for more than a day with them before you take off. I wish I wanted the same thing you wanted, just a hookup. But the truth is it's been about six months since I've been sure I've wanted more.

I can't date anyone else because all I think about is you, which is pathetic because I know you won't love me. Ever. I miss you constantly. You told me so many things and I wanted to believe every word you said. It sounded so nice, so perfect. I still remember the night you told me you wanted to try this summer. You wanted to make it work. But I doubt that will happen.

I miss you kissing me, having your arms around me all the time. No one compares because whatever I felt with you I've never felt it before. What hurts the most, is knowing for you, I was just another girl and that it doesn't change the way I feel at all.

Love Always,
Emma

Dear Mr. Rebel,

You've made mistakes, so have I. I've always been there to support you, even when the mistakes you make frustrate me. You come across to everyone as a free sprit, as the rebel. The one who always wants to get away. I've never seen you like that. You don't mean to hurt the people you love by the things you've done, but I can't help hoping that one day you will be a little bit wiser. I don't want you to change who you are, I just want you to know the difference between right and wrong. I can't help you with that. I can't be your voice of reason anymore. That breaks my heart.

Honestly, I don't know why you want me. I'm so different from you. Adventure sometimes scares me, I would rather sit with a good book, and I love coffee. I can't climb up the face of the mountain without being terrified, I'm safest on the ground. Why did I catch your eye? You could have anyone you want, there are people waiting in line. I'm nothing special. I've just ever been your friend.

We've been through a lot together. We've helped so many people together. To say that you need to learn some lessons without me is hard. Frankly, I have to learn some lessons, too. I'm used to having people around to help me decide where I should go, what I should do, and who I should be. It's time for me to learn how to live with who I am. We both have some stuff to work on, some baggage to get rid of.

I think I want to be with you--I know I miss you when you're not with me--but I want to make sure that I'm missing YOU and not just missing the comfort you bring. I'm waiting for you to grow up and become the man that I KNOW is in there. I'm waiting until I can be confident on my own. I know I've hurt you by saying no, by guarding our friendship. I don't want to hurt you, but I know we both need to change to be healthy.

Waiting may mean that we both become strangers to one another. I hope that's not what happens, but we both will change. It this means that we will never get to even try to be more than friends, then ok. I want you to be happy. Whatever happens, believe that I will always love you. Maybe not in a romantic way, but I will always be here to encourage, comfort, and serve you any way that I can. I hope you find what you're looking for. I hope you find truth.

Love,

Waiting

Dear You,

I had found the perfect man. Even though I had known you for so little time, it was like we were meant to be together.

I saw myself marrying you. We spent countless hours awake at night, talking endlessly. I was the happiest I had ever been.

Then you told me you had to wait. Wait to be in a relationship. Wait to tell your friends about me. Wait to be with me.

I was okay with it. I told myself that patience is a virtue. I loved you, even then, enough to trust you with our future.

Things were okay at first. You still showed me that you liked me. You still talked to me as if you wanted to be with me.

Then, out of nowhere, you changed. You stopped being polite and chivalrous, which is why I noticed you in the first place.

You stopped talking to me - you only wanted me for my body, and not for my "me."

I never thought you were that kind of guy.

And the worst part is,
I still love you.

I wish things would go back the the way they were.

Love (maybe forever),
Me

Dear You,

I need to get this off my chest because I've been feeling this way for a long time now. I think you're wonderful. You make me so happy and I like who I am when I am with you. You never know what to say and I love that about you. You're goofy, and hard headed but you're also sweet and compassionate when no one's looking. You told me you liked me but I was scared and didn't know what I wanted. It's not fair because I didn't know I liked you when I could've had you and now I'm afraid it's too late. I understand if you've moved on because if I were you I probably would've too. You deserve the best because you deal with a lot and never complain, ever. You drive me crazy. You're tough on me and you always disagree with what I say but when were not together I miss you like crazy. I love that you drive me crazy and I wouldn't want it any other way. I think I might be in love with you, and if I'm not in love with you then I sure as hell could be. You're not simple. You're more than confusing and you're secretly brilliant and maybe you don't even know it. I would never want anything less than that though because you always keep me guessing and it's wonderful. You're truly wonderful and if only I could tell you to your face but I'm scared. I'm scared of everything and I'm scared of you. If I could I would run up to you right now and tell you how I feel but something inside of me just isn't brave enough. You will do fantastic things and even if I never get the courage to tell you how I feel I sure hope you know it somewhere deep down inside.

From,
me.

Dear Rory,

Do you remember when we held hands on your father's couch? This is the memory I will always cherish. I miss you.

Love,
I will always...

Dear Hip-Hop,

That’ s what my sister called you when you tried to give me that gift anonymously, 'memba? It’s been 3 months to the day since we last spoke amiably on the phone. Yeah, I know me and my memories. I remember what I choose to remember. I miss you so terribly, some times more than others. You were my closest friend. You loved me in spite of me, you knew just about all there is to know about me, and you loved me, never judged me.

I try to imagine forever without you and it’s hard. I remember the dreams I had of our future, and I wonder if that’s all they were, dreams. They seemed so real, as though they would one day come to pass. So now, here I am, 3 months has passed and I’m finding it hard to get over you. Really, honestly I don’t want to get over you because what I had with you, was so special to me, it stemmed deeper than any relationship I ever had. We had a wonderful foundation of friendship, and intellectual conversation. I knew you, and you knew me. I can’t even see letting anyone else in and that scares me. Scares me because I’m afraid if I don’t let anyone else in, I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. I’ll never have the children I so desire.

Sometimes, I want to scream your name and tell you all what I feel and am going through. But I know there is nothing you can or have chosen to do about it.
I don’t blame you for choosing not to embrace all that I believe, I applaud your integrity to your Jah, what you believe and your convictions. I only wish that the love you claimed for me could have or would have overridden them.

I miss your arms wrapped around me, and your lips pressed against mine. I reminisce on that moment, when last I saw you, 5 months ago. I had unlocked my front door, the sun was due to come up in an hour, and you were heading back overseas in 6 hours. I knew then, it was the last time we would hold each other, the last time we would kiss each other goodbye- I knew I was going to come to my spiritual senses. We embraced, we kissed, we were face to face, and simultaneously we broke the silence by whispering, “I love you.” – I do not doubt it to this day, the only problem was, the love was not strong enough for you to change. You said yourself, it’s like we’re from two totally different worlds, and it would not be good for me to come to yours, and you couldn’t see yourself transitioning to mine. Oh, how I wish that you could have. How part of me desires to wait for you to do so. But just as the song says, “I don’t want to wait in vain for your love.”

I know I got to let you go, and at times, I believe I am. Then nights like these come, and I find myself in tears, wishing you were here. I cry in my room, and try to keep it down so no one hears me. No one knows the pain I am enduring, I imagine they think I’m over it, and I should be- that is those that know.

I just want you to know that I love you, more than those three words can express…. and I wonder if I'll ever let you go.

Kuaasi’s girl.

Dear E:

I have a hard time telling people who you are. I can't really describe you as my ex, because you never will admit we loved each other. Maybe WE didn't. But I sure loved you. I can't descibe you as just a friend, because you were so much more than that. So most of the time, I just describe you as 'the boy who broke my heart'. I know, it's cheesy and campy and cliche, but it's true. So I hope you understand when I say that I am having a very hard time feeling sorry for you now that you are the one with a broken heart.

True, I was nice and chatted with you. True, I tried to cheer you up. I don't even know if your heart was broken, entirely. But I know you wanted him SO BAD. In your mind, he was totally your type: both of you big and manly and muscular and in the medical field, both of you looking for something stable to get you through your two years on the island. So it hurt, didn't it, when you saw him kissing that younger, browner, cuter boy? When you heard that he had said you were 'not his type'? When you realized he had rejected you without so much as letting you know?

You remember how you got all excited when he finally FINALLY agreed to go on a date with you? You nerviously got dressed, did your hair up good, got ready to impress the hell out of him... only to be sorely disappointed at the outcome of the night. Not even a good night kiss! How could something that you had pictured so perfect in your mind go so wrong so fast?

Does any of this sound like exactly what happened a year ago? Let me rewind the reel for you, back up to before you or I came out.

I remember a depressed, confused boy who lived in the body of a beast, a boy searching for someone to listen to him and help him figure himself out. Someone to love him and tell him it was OK to be this boy-beast who loved other men and wanted to be loved back by them. I remember writing letters back and forth in a fury, both of us struggling to express who we were and what we wanted out of life and love. I remember doing this for MONTHS, being your sole confidant. I remember it progressing to "I love you" and flirtatious texts and thoughtful deeds. I remember that I loved you before you were skinny, before you turned heads, before you moved to the big city and had a circle of hot friends around you that you felt you needed to fit in with and started shedding pounds and morals. I loved you when you were confused and hurting and needing someone to love you. All I ever wanted was for you to love me back, and I thought you did.

And then came the summer, and the much-anticipated visit, and the dance on the beach, and clothes coming off the instant your parents walked out the door every day and shushing each other at night so we didn't wake them in the other room. It was the best four days of my life up until that week, and I was in heaven. I thought I had found you, that I had my one. I went home, head in the clouds, thinking things were going to continue like they had for 6 months.

I was so wrong. The utter silence that followed was a million times worse than if you had just slapped my face and told me you hated me. Weeks I waited to hear from you, forced myself to not write, to not bother you. And as time wore on, my love for you ebbed and was replaced by hurt and anger. And when I finally wrote you, broken hearted and finished, all I needed was notice that you had moved on, not a letter telling me you were tired of me.

So I hope you can understand, dear E, why I told you I loved you and always would. And I hope you can understand why I was so happy to hear that your heart had been stomped on by a man much hotter than you. Maybe now you can understand what you did to me, how you took my hope and desires for something good and something that seemed perfect and tossed them to the side like they didn't matter at all.

I don't want your love anymore. I moved past that. I will always love you, I wasn't lying when I said that. All I want from you are two words: I'm Sorry. Before this happened, it wouldn't have meant much, just that you were sorry you had done something you maybe shouldn't have. Now, though, it will mean so much more because you know how it hurts and you will be sorry because you caused ME that pain, because you did that to ME. And maybe it will show you how much I cared about you, to be able to talk to you while you were down about it... and not kick you.

I doubt you'll ever say you're sorry. That's ok, because I doubt this is a letter I'll ever send.

I love you, and I always will,
D

Dear So-Called Friends,

I now understand why I didn't want to pursue a friendship with you guys anymore... You make me feel like crap. I don't like being treated as the third wheel. Just because I may do things that you don't agree with doesn't give you the right to talk about me in the next room when I can hear you. Yea I may be spending a lot of time with my fiance but let me give you a clue why. One he listens and doesn't judge me like you do. Two he makes me feel wanted and loved unlike you guys. I don't care if you don't like him. I love him and that's all that matters.

Also you guys can be fun to hang out with sometimes but when other people are included my fiance and I end up being the third wheel. Were sick of it, high school ended 5 years ago grow up and treat us with respect. Oh and that trip you took up to Sandusky made us feel like crap. We don't want to see status updates about how much fun your having we could care less. My fiance and I would have at least loved an invitation to join you, but apparently we're not good enough for you.

On another note no I haven't forgiven you for what you did to me in high school. Always being the third wheel and being talked down to was not okay. My first year of college I went through depression and where were you? Oh that's right nowhere to be found. I was at the lowest moment of my life and you couldn't even call me. I tried calling you but you were too busy for me. I hope you know I cried myself to sleep every night I was there I hope that makes you feel better about yourself. At that point everyone left me, and when I came back you still weren't there. I guess I expected too much from you guys. I'm pretty much over my depression now thanks to the love and patience of my fiance, but it always seems to come back when your around.

I'd just like to say this to you, I'm done. If you want to get angry at me over stupid crap go right ahead, if you want to judge me or my fiance go for it. We're happy together and we have found meaning in our lives. We're tired of your crap. And no longer value your opinion. I hope you grow up soon.

Were going to go look for better friends now...

Sincerely,
Bitter

Dear Future Husband,

For the past few years, statistics have been trying to convince me that you don’t exist. They say that my skin color, my intelligence and my undergraduate degree pretty much guarantee that you’ll never come along. I’m sorry to say that I’m starting to believe it.

My whole life, I’ve always been taught in church that I’m supposed to be found by my husband because “He who findeth a wife findeth a good thing.” Therefore, it’s not my place to be approaching men because good, Christian (and Southern) girls don’t do that. It makes you appear thirsty or loose and we just don’t do that.

Now I found out that I’m supposed to be looking for my Boaz. As I understand it, Ruth asked Boaz to marry her. So based on my Bible teachings, I’m confused. Am I supposed to be looking for you or are you supposed to be looking for me? I bought into it and now I wonder if I’ve pass you by or if you were simply too shy. Perhaps I haven’t exactly been putting out what it is that I want to get back. Sure I get the funny, intelligent brothas. What I don’t get is assertive, self-assured dudes who are ready for commitment.

I’m starting to wonder if you were even created for me and whether or not we’ll ever find each other. Honestly, I’m not getting any younger and I do want to have children while I’m young enough to match their energy. But really, who am I kidding? Odds are you probably don’t exist and it’s time for me to grip reality that you and our children may not be in the cards for me.

So, I am going to save myself the heartache and trouble and vow to have a life full of the three F’s – fun, foolishness and fuckery. I don’t see the sense in preparing myself for a family that probably won’t happen. From this day forward, I will push aside feelings of attachment and this need to nest.

So, farewell to you, sir. The idea of you and our life together was as sweet as my letting it go is sorrowful. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, I hope life is good.

Sincerely,
Smarty

Dearest T,

I passed by our tree the other day and smiled. The same one you tried to hide behind to make me laugh because there was no way on God's green earth you would ever be able to conceal yourself. One smile led to a laugh and an onslaught of emotion I suppressed and didn't address the day I slammed the door on you and me. Guess what? You were the love of my life. Did I ever tell you that? Yes, you were the end all and be all of my existence. I was so consumed with trying to keep my composure intact that day I didn't bother to tell you the truth which was I didn't want to let go of us.

From the moment you took exception to my indifference, I knew we would be forever. You remember that day in the cafe... I was eating lunch by myself and you sat at the table with me. I gave you the formal greeting which included every single letter of your government name. You knew something was wrong but didn't know the cause. You knew I wasn't happy but you also knew I wasn't angry either. It irked you that you didn't receive my smile. You even said so. "You didn't smile. You usually smile at me." I looked at you and acknowledged I wasn't giving you my smile. You pestered me until I had no choice but to tell you what was the matter.

It was then you learned of my past. You took me into your arms and vowed to me I didn't have to worry anymore. You became my protector. I then smothered my protector. So much so you had no choice but to stray. I expected you to mature sooner than you were supposed to. Emotionally, mentally you were too young to deal with me and my issues. In my insecurity, I placed my whole future in us instead of enjoying you as the moments were present upon us. We didn't experience the true fullness of being a couple we were meant to.

We had fun. At least I think we did. The late nights. The conversations. The sex. The sex was delicious. It was the breath of fresh air to a closed up recluse. I was wrong for expecting you to heal the wounds made by another. The fact you weren't capable of doing so caused me to become argumentative and vindictive. Hurting you so you could feel the pain I internalized when I simply could have verbalized and released it.

T, I take full responsibility for my actions in our breakup. I know when I closed the door that day I had pointed the finger at you when it should have been pointed at me equally. Yes, you did dirt, too, but it was nowhere near the soiled adventures I took us on. I should have been accountable and maybe just maybe we could have moved forward together but my pride pushed me forward and my guilt kept me from turning back because I knew most of the damage done was at my own hand. I ask you to forgive me. Forgive me for the pain and suffering I put you through. I put myself through. I put us through. It wasn't your fault as much as it was mine. Please forgive me so I may let go and let love find me once again.

Love always,
Lady K

Key:

Peace!

I am writing about something I should have sat down and talked to you about a very long time ago. Although my actions say otherwise, I love you as if you were my own son. I did not think about these feelings until I talked to your brother about it and he admitted that you remember more about our time together as a functioning family then you do. I had to point out that I have known you since you were 6 months old.

When your mother and I broke up, I thought I would continue to be considered your father. It makes sense right? You were calling me "daddy" since you could talk. Since that time, while home on leave or on liberty from the Navy, we spent more time together then I did with your mother. When we had no car, I took the almost 2 hour bus ride to drop you off at school. I remember the times your mother went out to the clubs on Thursday and Friday evenings and you and I would eat a whole pint of Haagen Daz ice cream together.

When your mother told me that our relationship as father and son had to end, I was heartbroken. To be honest, I never forgave your mother for that. When she made this suggestion I protested. Of course, she shot me down. She was your mother. Before I dropped the subject, I told her that she would regret that decision. Ironically, your mother never hesitated to ask for money to help purchase an item you needed.

There were also times when your mother complained about you and I suggested having you live with me and she refused. I will also point out that a good number of things that I reveal in this letter I have never told anyone else before except my wife.

Over the years, you have stated how you were upset at my approach to our relationship. When I came to pick up your brother, you wouldn't greet me. At times, you were disrespectful to me and my family. I ignored those acts with an understanding that you did not know what you were doing. I want to point out that despite the fact that I didn't fight for you when I should, my family has considered you a son and have argued that I should have stepped up when your mother asked me to stepped down.

I have come to learn that your mother has recently kicked you out of her home after she finally got married. It broke my heart that your mother washed her hands of you. While I admit that you have been difficult, the things you have done are very, very trivial and I find them to be the rebelliousness of your youth. I know you are a good
person. At times you are misguided and like the rest of us, are emotionally wounded. Yes, you are a product of a rape but that doesn't make you less of a person.

I miss and love you and wish that I had been more aggressive in the manifestation of that love. I should have been more vocal when your mother made that decision. Yet I just did the motions and stepped off. I should have snatched you up to live with me all those years ago when you had trouble in school. When you were in trouble with the law, I should have arrived in court to support you. I should have called you and said, "come stay with me, brother."

I know at times you look at me and my family and wonder how it all might have turned out if I stepped up. At times, I do the same thing. I only ask that you find it in your heart to forgive me. Yes, I do accept blame. It's a tough pill to swallow and forgiveness is a tough thing for me as well. It does not change the fact that deep down inside, I still see you as a son.

Sincerely,

Dan Tres Omi